The NHS is amazing and we all need to support it

NHS FTW (comprehension notes are at the end)

I just finished my physics degree!!

I have no idea how because I only (finally) received my AD(H)D diagnosis a few months after graduating (thank you selfish, impulsive Tories – /sarc)

Open University has accepted me onto their MSc Science, as I squeaked by with a 2:2 – their minimum direct entry requirements 😅

Duloxetine withdrawals are hell and I cannot describe the immense buoying of mood and mental flexibility after changing from antidepressants to AD(H)D medication.

My goal is to study how medical institutions work, and use this to educate people and change the medical establishment for the better. I want more empathetic, holistic, person-centred and evidence-based medicine. And I want it to be accessible to everyone and free at the point of use!

So basically Clement Attlee and [will add other dude when I find his name: Aneurin Bevan] are my role models / heroes.

The NHS history (1948-1959) – NHS England – NHS Choices



Aneurin Beva and Clement Attlee are babes. Real MVPs. Leg(ends)!

For screen readers and non-fluent English speakers: 

FTW can mean any of “for the win”, “fuck the world”, or “for the world”. I have no idea which use is most common at the moment, so I generally use it as an emphatic assertion of the preceding statement.

AD(H)D is Attention Deficit Disorder and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder; 

2:2 or 2(ii) or “two, two” is a (Higher Education) university degree classification, which is below a 1* for “starred First”, 1 for “First Class”, 2:1 or 2(i) for “Upper Second Class”, and above a 3rd for “Third Class Honours”, and Pass which is also called an “Ordinary (non-honours) Class” degree.

‘Babes’ usually refers to conventionally attractive people, by means of sexual, romantic, platonic, or otherwise compelling traits. (Here, I’m using it humorously to imply that their achievements, in improving social responsibility and increased welfare and wellbeing, confer interpersonal reputation – to the point that they can be considered individually attractive.)

MVP is the acronym for Most Valuable Player, referring to gamers who contribute most impact to individual or recent matches in video games.

Legend / leg (“lej”) is colloquial for people who are impressive, noteworthy, imitate-able, and / or historically influential and beneficial.


19Apr17 Still here, alive, and linking

Thanks to the ever-extraordinary NHS. I went to see the Crisis Team last week because I was looking up methods to end my life. Bar one less-than-supportive or understanding GP, everyone from my therapist to the Crisis Team person was great. Took me seriously, understood where I was coming from and why I felt so awful, and followed simple, practical procedures to care for me professionally.

So vote out the party that is dismantling and starving the NHS of funding, as well as the creeping privatisation that has done so “well” for the railways, electricity, and telecoms sectors.

Go, register. If you need a postal vote, then go get that sorted. We need you.

The picture is from when I tried to donate blood, but my veins were too deep that day. Apparently it varies?

Thanks for Reading,

Mx Dozana

17Mar23 Metaphors

Update: New trans-related post. Much shorter, still a lot of links, I ramble a bit and mention the NHS being defunded by Tories again… y’know, the usual!


Okay, so like I’m autistic ‘n shit. (And I can say I have AD(H)D now, omfg)
And I was never any good at metaphors, but
— through a very, VERY long process where I was forced to become at least passable with them —
I’m apparently now, at least at first glance, a fairly clear communicator.

Except I’m not

because I’m autistic, FFS. What I am is good at hiding that I’m autistic for allistic peoples’ sake.

Why yes, I am sensitive. Being bullied for many years by friends, family, foes, and randomers will do that to you. Surprisingly enough (!) /s </ sarcasm >

Y’know, activate stress responses
that become complex, negative associations?

And why do people pick on other-ness? Because it’s easy. People like simple categorization and limiting energy expenditure. Thinking and ruminating over things is hard and takes effort. I’m not an evolutionary biologist, but I’m going to assume short term thinking was highly prized over long-term philosophy.



The metaphor I had in mind

whenever I started writing this, was thus:

Everyone’s a chef (body, mind, physiology, biological machine, etc)
and everyone bakes cakes (mood, gender, mental health, experiences).

Continue reading “17Mar23 Metaphors”

17Mar10 Oh yeah! Autistic head canons

Links. So many links. Prepare for Link-mageddon. That last link refers to a shitty, shitty Doctor Who episode. A much better one is Night Terrors. Here’s the Wikipedia, and here’s a link to the BBC episode. (unfortunately not available as of 17Mar9)

Now, if you’re not in the know, the title means:

Ah, yes. Autisticideas of
how I think certain characters
interact in the confirmed source material,
that better reflect their traits and habits.

I adopt such ideas about these characters
and refer to such assumptions
when reconsidering the source material

Or better crafted:

Indeed, verily. Here are the characters who I think are autistic, allistic (non-autistic), and / or neuro-divergent or neuro-atypical.

As well as characters who I think are LGBTQ+, q*eer, or Gender and Sexuality Diverse or ‘Get Shit Done’ / ‘Get Stuff Done’, GSD for example.

Key Terms to know are: autistic,
headcanon (separated in the title for accessible reading).

Image search for the character I’m on about:

ANYway. Onto the main event: I THINK HANJI ZOE FROM ATTACK ON TITAN IS AUTISTIC AND I LOVE THEM. Reasons why? Let us… begin.

  1. The primary reason I think so is
    when they talked Eren’s ear off, after he asked about their experiments.
    He was warned not to ask by the others present,
    who all proceeded to leave the room in knowing preparation.
    The resulting all-nighter may have been informative for Eren and exhilarating for Hanji, but they were both exhausted and preoccupied as a plot point the next day.
  2. Hanji is repeatedly described as weird, lunatic, odd, insane, strange, and
    their fascination with Titans and Titan science is
    frequently labelled “bizarre”, “creepy”, or “unnatural”.
    When performing a delicate task relating to Titan capture,
    a fellow soldier remarks, “You have a crazy look in your eye.”
  3. When Levi describes them as Aberrant (a type of Titan), Hanji asks “Where?!” excitedly. This is an incredibly literal interpretation of Levi’s comment.
    He turns their head to answer, “Right here.” They don’t seem upset by having been called aberrant (as a human) or insulted.
    Similarly, the naming ceremony included specific details that caused some onlookers to puke from disgust. Hanji was happily rattling off a previously-prepared speech, which could be an example of self-set routine-following.
  4. Has increased (hyper?)empathy with the Titans.
    An in-show example would be the naming ceremonies as well as
    the event following point number 1.
  5. As well as flashbacks to experiments,
    where fellow Survey Corps soldiers call them “suicidal”,
    “At this rate, you really will die!”, and
    “You don’t have to cry [with the pained Titan], too!” — which support points 2 and 6.
  6. A follow-on from point 4:
    if we consider Titans to be roughly equivalent to (un)domesticated animals,
    then Hanji’s predilection for Titans’ company and
    learning as much about them as possible starts to make sense.
    Especially in contrast with
    how humans perceive Hanji:
    with neutral suspicion or worse.
  7. Has reduced risk perception around or possibly increased risk appetite (due to increased perceived reward of interacting) with Titans

The only trait I can’t find an analogue for is physical dis-coordination. But it doesn’t seem to be a requirement. Which is great because the only time we see Hanji in their 3D maneuver gear, they are notably graceful.

Why all the links about autism? Because shit like this happens:
“overcome her autism”,
“her face makeup-free”,
and general U.S.-centric bullshit about autism being a barrier,
rather than PEOPLE refusing to understand autistic people
.I tried looking for one of those link redirect sites, or at least a charity-donate-for-clicks type thing, but I couldn’t find one. Couldn’t find a cached version either, which was my preference.

I’m not linking to Autism$peaks. Those fuckers can get ad revenue elsewhere. Fuck ’em.

So a link to Ecosia, a search engine whose ad revenues plant trees, is the best Effective Altruism I could think of, to counteract the hate-spewing filth rag that is the Daily Fail (linked is The Daily Mash: satire). I wonder when our oh-so-empathetic government will get the message?

Point being, autistic people are awesome and some of the most loyal people you could ever want to befriend. Be nice to them or [trite, unsubstantiated threat of graphic violence].

Thanks for Reading! I hope you enjoyed it,

Mx Dozana, of Mx Dozana Art

17Mar05 ‘Non-Art,’ a.k.a. ‘Free-for-All’

In which you realize I bloody well mean it when I say I’m interested in a lot of things. Ya numpty.

So, like, I’m a scientist ‘n shit, but I’m also human, and I might have (adult) AD(H)D, so I really like well-presented, appropriately formatted, and reliably structured content. Be it video, text, image, audio, olfactory, gustatory, kinesthetic, electromagnetic (hint: this includes visible light!), electrically unstable / radioactive, bla bla bla I lost the point of the sentence again.

So here’s a thing about science which I can’t remember and I don’t care.
Fiiine, I’m rewatching it. Oh god, the neutrinos again >,<*

XD Hah! That’s a good explanation actually. That 0:55 scientist looks like Professor Utonium / Samurai Jack. Also there are SO many different papers that no one person can POSSIBLY keep up with them all. And errors are frequently under-reported, as this video explains. Careers, media, and funding should NOT be the driving motivation for scientific investigation.

Yep. Peer review is better than nothing. But it’s not ideal. We should publish and refine investigative methods, as well as incentivising ALL results. Not just spectacles or supporting the status quo for capitalist organizations.

Good thing I rewatched that. I knew there was a reason I included it.

This one’s really awesome and scary. And totally not at all what we’re going through in the UK and US and Europe broadly. Noooo… Totally not. Ohh, so La Puta, the bizarre Ghibli film was a reference at least in name (I don’t remember the movie or care).

Holy crap 1:48’s working person is just gorgeous. That dancey animation makes me swoon. 2:27 certainly sounds really goddamn familiar. Ah, so it’s state surveillance and efficient murders that *COUGH TORIES COUGH* are hallmarks of dysfunctional society.

1984 was so goddamn sad. I just… I just felt so upset after reading it. I feel worse, but it seemed important to read.

Also terrifying and upsetting, but important. Orwellian =/= Authoritarian. Tyranny comes in many forms, from different methods. As for language leading thought, check these links: Link 1 and Link 2. Government surveillance, lethal threats, social control through propaganda and enforced false language – NewSpeak. Leading to DoubleThink. HM. Yeah, no, that doesn’t seem at ALL similar to how American formal education has been defunded and restructured to include obviously biased and fictional re-framings of history.

Think deeply. Question your assumptions. Pay close attention. Protect our language.

Oh, hey? Legit: my life.

What follows in quoted text is the abstracted definition from the video. I omitted the examples to just get to the actual definition. Watch the video! Go like their video! Subscribe to TedEd if you feel so inclined!

Kafkaesque – unnecessarily complicated and frustrating experiences. Mundane and absurd aspects of modern bureaucracy. An ordeal so disorienting and illogical that success becomes pointless in the first place. Irony of characters’ circular reasoning in reaction to it.

Tragicomic stories employing dream logic to explore the relationships between systems of arbitrary power and the individuals caught up in them. Some systems are intrinsic to the character.

Humor is rooted in the nonsensical logic of the situations described. Judged by people we can’t see, according to rules we don’t know. He reminds us that the world we live in is one we create, and have the power to change for the better.

What precedes in quoted text is the abstracted definition from the video. I omitted the examples to just get to the actual definition. Watch the video! Go like their video! Subscribe to TedEd if you feel so inclined!

A meme before Richard Dawkins’ concept took hold in a way we couldn’t have predicted or stopped. No matter how much we may want to. There is a loud af bit in the middle. Turn down your headphones. God this is so damn old. Christ.

This one gave me my next medium-sized project idea. I’ll do far fewer styles, only 4 at first, then 4 alternate versions. I’ll explain more in my next art post or text update.

Hey! Here’s a WordPress one! Show some love.




My partner introduced me to Miike Snow, Genghis Khan, specifically. But I didn’t realize this song from from them / him too!

17Feb28 I’ve been busy (part 4 – Fun)

In roughly chronological (from past to future) order, here are videos I’ve been watching that are somewhat art-related, but more fun, YouTube meta, or interesting.

In another sort of cautionary tale, this one informed me of probable common knowledge among fellow web denizens. Artists get bored, lose inspiration, lack funds, change job, move house or computer, seek different themes or styles, forget, and many other things. Artists are not only their art, but myriad infinitesimal minutiae of life. I don’t know if that quite makes sense altogether like that, but the words appeared in my head, so It Must Be So!

I used to tell my teachers I was plagiarizing because my ideas for drawings seemed to came from some voice in my head that didn’t feel like my own. I was adamant I was doing something wrong. Creativity is a weird and ungraspable thing.

Like, I don’t know what this video says is true, because I didn’t do the research, trot down to some national / international library, and confirm for myself that their statements align with my interpretation of primary evidence in a respectable establishment. Buuut their About page does have contact information, which is somewhat reassuring. Nevermind that I didn’t look up that About page until just now. Argh. Argh. Argh-argh.

I’d say I should get around to doing this, but actually I’ve been super productive today! So, go me! Go me. And yesterday, I was great then, too. I’m awesome. Go me.

So basically, you’re more likely to keep working on things you’ve invested in, you’re investing in something by thinking about it, and answering involved questions means you’re thinking hard about something, so you’re investing in it with mental resources, and you’re more likely to feel attached to it, and to keep working on it when you can imagine positive returns detailed-ly.

Because I might have a crush / lust for Jim Sterling and legit have been quite ‘aww!’ when I found out he was married. But also this is good news for him. Omg, do you think there’s fanfic of him? omg. I mean, there must be, right? Omg. Ahem, anyway. I’m engaged, damn it! Focus!

Again, I gotta be honest, I actually do agree with what she’s highlighting for the first part. Because data without context is meaningless.

Yes, part of the context for watching anime will be from within your own head, and the fandom is without,
but I think it’s unfair or inaccurate to say that ‘fandom should be completely divorced from the show’. For me, scrolling through comments on anime and manga websites (please pay me, I’ll talk about your websites, plz) is part of what makes the show or written and drawn story so compelling. I’ve already mentioned that being autistic makes determining someone’s motivations, intentions, and feelings very difficult for me.

Reading what other people think about a show I’m watching, or a story I’m reading, effectively acts as ‘reasonable adjustments’ to support my ability to understand a show or story – to a level which is similar to what others do.

I understand not everyone faces this barrier, or even the same barrier in this way. But I feel it’s important to discuss, because this kind of thing is broadly applicable anywhere in ‘professional’ life, where anyone says to focus solely on the content. Yes, the creators cannot ever be expected to accurately predict something’s response with the intended or outside audience. But there is a certain amount of control over one’s presentation of ideas that can mitigate certain circumstances’ probability of happening.

What I mean is that large, usually public sector, organisations have in place clear, detailed guidelines for behaviour, standards, and etiquette for common situations in a given industry. For example, the NHS follows Plain English campaign style of language, and UK governmental (lip service) standards on policies and research standards. For the UK’s English-speaking population, most can agree that certain words or phrases should not be used except in very clear, usually academic or otherwise sanitised, situations.

I have no idea where I was going to this, but if I remember, I’ll link to the continued explanation / discussion here.

NSFW link. Here’s a violent song about Five Nights at Freddy’s, from the robots’ and cyborgs’ (?) perspective. I. Love. It.

Here’s a link to Manly Badass Hero‘s Let’s Play of the Nintendo DS horror video game ‘The Nameless Game’. The sequel, which is also fan-translated from Japanese, is ‘The Nameless Game: EYE’.

Just like with Ikenie no Yoru or Maiden of Black Water or Ju-On: The Grudge, I love the soundscape. Sure, you could very easily make a point about Nintendo hardware being unnecessarily gimmicky, with little emphasis or room to be able to upgrade sound and video standards… But I don’t care. Something about the developers of Japanese video games on Nintendo, the way they make footsteps sound – agh, I just love it! So soothing and sway-inducing.

This one’s for if you’re having issues making sound recording (for video narration, personally) work between OBS, Windows MovieMaker, and YouTube. I learned about OpenBroadcast Studio from, which was way more user-friendly and *actually helpful* than twitch was when I was first trying to figure out how tf to stream. Like, how? Exactly. Step by bloody step, because that is what I need. I need clear, detailed instructions, or one’s genitals end up on the ceiling fan.

Finally, a home video. Enjoy.


(OMG, Manly! *swoon*)

Thanks for reading. I hope it was enjoyable! Let me know if you had any ideas while reading or just now. I look forward to meeting you :3

Mx Dozana, of Mx Dozana Art