17Mar23 Metaphors

Okay, so like I’m autistic ‘n shit. (And I can say I have AD(H)D now, omfg)
And I was never any good at metaphors, but
— through a very, VERY long process where I was forced to become at least passable with them —
I’m apparently now, at least at first glance, a fairly clear communicator.

Except I’m not

because I’m autistic, FFS. What I am is good at hiding that I’m autistic for allistic peoples’ sake.

Why yes, I am sensitive. Being bullied for many years by friends, family, foes, and randomers will do that to you. Surprisingly enough (!) /s </ sarcasm >

Y’know, activate stress responses
that become complex, negative associations?

And why do people pick on other-ness? Because it’s easy. People like simple categorization and limiting energy expenditure. Thinking and ruminating over things is hard and takes effort. I’m not an evolutionary biologist, but I’m going to assume short term thinking was highly prized over long-term philosophy.

ANYWAY.

The metaphor I had in mind

whenever I started writing this, was thus:

Everyone’s a chef (body, mind, physiology, biological machine, etc)
and everyone bakes cakes (mood, gender, mental health, experiences).

I’m not a chick or a dude. Hell, my cake flavours and ingredients change daily. (genderfluid, I guess?) My moods are also erratic and unpredictable.

But everyone sees my frosting and goes, “You’re a woman? Okay, do woman things.”
The frosting is not me. I am the chef; I work with the frosting I have in my cupboards.

My frosting (body shape) can’t magically become a different flavor or texture without
researching what frosting can go with which flavor of cake
(which is a personal preference for different people anyway).

Some binary people like their cake flavors and specialise in one type, which they were trained to make. (cis binary people)
Other binary people were trained to do a specific type of cake which they don’t like eating / serving. (trans binary people)

Woe be unto me should I DARE making even a slightly different type of cake. (gender non-conforming, or GNC).

Topic change incoming:

We are now going to use this narrative / framework I’ve just explained
to transition into talking about my experiences
being repeatedly misunderstood and exploited for social gain.
Specifically, regular arguments in larger social circles in school, college (A Levels / “junior and senior years”), university, work, and “friendship” groups.

(Details with [REDACTED] names will appear in future posts. Because I own my life and what’s happened to me. No libel, name-calling, or ableism as-far-as-is-possible, but I will talk about it because it has been distressing, unnecessary baggage I do not need. Yes, I am in therapy; no, that is not enough; yes, I do want people to learn foremost.)

To expand the analogy / metaphor / whatever, let’s presume that, not only do I like different types of cake, I also grew uplearning a different language (neurodiversity) and I have a sensitive stomach (mental illness).

So I have to explain,
in an additional language, that

Certain cake ingredients (topics) hurt my guts

(My TWs / Trigger Warnings:
Angry faces, male especially, scare and upset me greatly. Shouting makes me want to cry. Someone jumping on my speech for being even slightly imprecise or inaccurate fills me with defensive rage. Child abuse in any detail causes me intense distress and obliterates my day. People who don’t respect others make me angry / cause violent urges.)

Or that I just don’t like certain other ingredients.

(My CWs / Content Warnings:
‘Triggered’ jokes annoy me. ‘-tard’ as a suffix disappoints me. Dead baby jokes confuse and disgust me. ‘Autist’ as a(n unreclaimed) concept is trite and uninspired. People using ‘feminazi’ unironically steal some precious faith left in humanity.)

Or both!

(Almost anything to do with family, the US, inequality, lack of autonomy, miseducation, ostracisation of poor people or mentally ill people, retribution / revenge without any consideration for rehabilitating people, wilful ignorance, cruelty, selfishness, egotism, discrimination, planned harm, environmental damage, unsustainable activity of most sorts…)

So the actual story I have for today… will have to wait until tomorrow cuz this is already really frigging long, now. But I will utilise this metaphor! I promise.

Thanks for Reading! I hope you enjoyed / were enlightened by it,

Mx Dozana, of Mx Dozana Art

 

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Author: mxdozana

Autistic Physicist Artist AD(H)D'er. American Latinx (Puerto Rico, Sicily fam), non-binary person who lives in the UK. I am anxious, depressed, OCD'er, and I might have BPD / EUPD (Borderline, not bipolar). I like anime and video games, as well as cats, Zelda, Elder Scrolls, science, neuroscience, math, linguistics, art, cats, music, and cats. ... Cats are my thing.

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